Am I Doing Enough? Balancing Motherhood and Spirituality During Ramadan
Dr. Sarah Syed, Psychologist
While many of us know that the duties and responsibilities of motherhood are rewarding acts of worship and pleasing to Allah, we still struggle with feeling behind, left out, or even disconnected from the Ramadan spirit. Not being able to fast, read Quran, or attend Taraweeh as we once did before having children can leave us feeling distant from the spiritual experience of the month. But Allah (SWT) does not place this pressure on us to maintain the same standards as before—so why do we place it on ourselves? Instead of focusing on what we can’t do, we can embrace the moments we do have and be present enough to appreciate them.
Keeping Up with Others: A Race with No Winner
As mothers of young children, we naturally want to create a meaningful connection between them and the blessings of Ramadan. We put effort into decorating our homes with twinkling lights, lanterns, and banners, hoping to instill a sense of excitement and reverence for the holy month. Even if they are too young to understand its deeper meaning, we want them to feel its significance. We all cherish receiving Ramadan baskets, iftar meals from loved ones, and invitations to break our fast with family and friends. This generosity is undoubtedly rewarding, but what happens when we feel like we can’t keep up?
Maybe the must-have décor of the season was out of budget, or your home doesn’t have a picture-perfect Ramadan nook. Perhaps you couldn’t prepare baskets, send meals, or host lavish iftars. The pressure to match what others are doing—whether family, friends, or your favorite influencer—can feel overwhelming. We may find ourselves thinking, I’m not doing enough. Others are doing more, doing better.
But Ramadan isn’t about proving ourselves to others. It’s about deepening our connection with Allah. When we pour our energy into making the month special for our families, are we doing it with sincerity, or are we chasing an idea of what Ramadan “should” look like? Instead of focusing on what we lack, let’s remember that even the simplest efforts—creating warm memories, fostering gratitude, and embracing the spirit of the month—are what truly matter.
Mourning Our Past Ramadans
Redefining Ramadan after years of having a routine isn’t easy, and it can even be sad. Many mothers feel disconnected from Ramadan and the sense of community because they’re still adjusting to experiencing it differently than in the past. Memories of qiyam, finishing a juz a day, reading an entire Quran every Ramadan, volunteering, and attending lectures in person all contribute to the feeling that we are “missing out” or that our worship is “lacking.” Alhamdulillah, this is not true at all. It’s not that our worship is lacking, but that we are experiencing a new version of Ramadan.
When we’re pregnant, postpartum with a newborn, caring for clingy toddlers, or worrying about our teenagers and adult children, it can feel like we aren’t doing Ramadan correctly. But motherhood and caring for your children, no matter their age, is an act of worship. Prioritizing your and your baby’s health and not being able to fast is a mercy from our Creator, allowing us to focus on our well-being. Insha’Allah, we make the intention to make up for the missed fasts later. As we try to be kinder and gentler with others, let’s remember to be kind to ourselves too!
How to Make the Most of Ramadan as a Mom
For mothers of young children, remember that this phase is temporary. Insha’Allah, as your children grow older and become less dependent, you’ll find more time for things like midday naps, taraweeh, and reading the Quran uninterrupted. What won’t come back are these early years, when your children need you the most, and that is a blessing in itself. For mothers of special needs children, know that your patience and endurance are tests meant to bring you closer to Allah (Swt). Allah is always aware of your struggles and rewards you for every moment spent in caring for your child. No matter the difficulty, the reward is greater. Recognize the season of life you’re in, whether you’re earning reward by physically caring for your children, teaching by example, or encouraging them as they grow older. The way you worship may change during different phases, and that’s okay. To make the most of Ramadan, focus on your ibaadah when you can. Set small, achievable goals, like increasing your dhikr during daily tasks or listening to the Quran if you can’t read it. Use quieter moments to connect with Allah (Swt), and when possible, engage in voluntary acts of worship or charitable giving. Take time to reflect on Allah’s 99 names and their meanings. Above all, make dua for patience, guidance, and ease, asking Allah to accept your good deeds and grant barakah to your home and family during this blessed month.