How to Show Love and Support to Your Spouse During Ramadan
Dr. Sarah Syed, Psychologist
Ramadan is a personal and vulnerable time for many—it’s a month of self-reflection, heightened spirituality, and a conscious effort to draw closer to Allah (SWT). But as much as it is a personal journey, it is important to recall that we are not an ummah that thrives on individualism. Rather, we are a community that flourishes through companionship, shared worship, and collective support.
This month is filled with moments of joy—gathering with loved ones for iftar, attending masjid programs, and even engaging in dawah by sharing our traditions with neighbors and colleagues. Yet, amidst fasting, pre-dawn suhoor, and long nights of prayer, the weight of expectations, responsibilities, and fatigue can take a toll. Patience can wear thin, and as a marital therapist, I’ve seen how, despite its many blessings, Ramadan can also become a time of tension for couples who struggle to balance spiritual aspirations with emotional needs. While relationships with community members and family grow stronger, many couples unintentionally neglect nurturing their companionship as spouses during this sacred month.
Relationships require time, effort, and intentional care. The way we communicate and connect with others isn’t always the same as how we engage with our spouse. In marriage, we carry expectations of one another, and the way we are impacted by our spouse differs from how we are affected by others.
Balancing Spiritual Growth and Marital Bonds During Ramadan
During Ramadan, as we devote ourselves to worship and strengthening our relationship with Allah (SWT), it’s natural to feel physically and emotionally drained. This can sometimes leave little energy for nurturing our marriage. Yet, just as we have obligations toward our faith, we also have responsibilities toward our spouse, and our marriage itself has its own rights. So how can we honor these commitments while dedicating ourselves to the spiritual demands of Ramadan
It’s important to refine our perspective and recognize the blessings Allah (SWT) has placed in our lives—including the barakah of marriage. In our efforts to increase in worship, we should also remember that the way we treat our spouse, the kindness we show, and the time we invest in our relationship can all be acts of worship that bring us closer to Him. Couples should be mindful of each other’s needs and the well-being of their family when planning how to spend this sacred month.
As we approach the halfway point, it’s not too late to pause and reflect. Take time to check in with your spouse—discuss how you both feel about your personal goals and where you may need support. Be honest about what you can offer each other and what commitments you can realistically maintain.
In His infinite mercy, Allah (SWT) has made marriage a means of attaining His pleasure and reward. Nurturing your relationship is not separate from worship—it is a part of it. Small, meaningful moments like sharing iftar, reciting Quran together, engaging in dhikr, listening to an Islamic lecture, or reading from the Sirah as a family can strengthen both your bond and your faith. With intention and balance, you can honor both your spiritual goals and your marriage during this blessed month.
Nurturing Your Love Languages While Strengthening Your Ibaadah in Ramadan
Quality time between husband and wife is an essential aspect of any healthy marriage, and this holds true during Ramadan. However, it’s important to balance this with our other spiritual goals, such as increasing our ibaadah. Unfortunately, for many couples, intimacy and alone time can be sacrificed due to fatigue, lack of sleep, and the shift in focus from physical needs to spiritual ones.
While it may not feel as natural or easy during this time, it can be helpful to plan time together, so both of you can prepare and set the intention to prioritize this time. Remember, even acts of affection and intimacy within marriage are not only permissible but also rewardable. Allah (SWT) says in the Quran, "And they (your wives) are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them..." (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187). This ayah reminds us that marriage is a source of comfort, support, and closeness, and nurturing that bond is an act of worship.
Be Gentle with Yourself and Your Spouse
Ramadan is a time of spiritual growth, but it also comes with physical and emotional challenges. With the demands of fasting, prayer, work, home chores, and family responsibilities, we may find ourselves more impatient or short-tempered due to fatigue. During these moments, it’s important to show mercy—both to yourself and your spouse.
If you know your temperament is more affected by fasting, be honest with yourself and your spouse. It’s okay to acknowledge that you may not have the emotional energy to engage in difficult conversations during certain times of the day. If something arises when you’re feeling drained, it’s better to be honest and put off important discussions until after Iftar, when you have more energy and can focus. Disappointing your spouse in the moment is better than responding in a hurtful or disrespectful way.
Make Dua and Seek Blessings for Your Marriage
Finally, remember the power of dua. Ask Allah (SWT) to strengthen your marriage, grant mercy between you and your spouse, and increase barakah in your lives. Take the time to pray for your children, both families, and the growth of your relationship. As Allah (SWT) reminds us in the Quran, "And those who believe are stronger in love for Allah" (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:165), let your love for each other in this blessed month be an extension of your love for Him.
May Allah (SWT) bless your efforts, increase your patience, and accept your worship. Ameen.